I was listening to Rob Bell’s podcast (“The RobCast”) this weekend, and one of his latest episodes is called “Seasons.” And it’s about, you guessed it–navigating the changing seasons of life. Specifically the necessity of grieving the passing of a season, even during positive changes in your life. He said that even when a really wonderful new season is beginning, it still means that we have to say goodbye to an old season–and as humans, that causes feelings of grief that need to be processed in order to be fully present and appreciative in the new season.
It was a perfectly timed episode, because this week is one of those season-changing periods in my life, and I’m feeling all sorts of mixed emotions about it.
Phillip and I are moving in together on Thursday. On the one hand, I am just so dang EXCITED. I get to live with the guy I love, and we get to begin this beautiful new chapter of our relationship in a brand new space. I’ve never lived with a guy before, so it feels really special and important that Phillip and I have reached this milestone in our relationship.
But, on the flip side, moving into this new place means leaving behind my beloved Apt. B (the actual apartment–not the business–don’t worry I’m not going anywhere!). It means ending a season of extreme, life-altering independence. I moved by myself from Florida to Savannah in May of 2013, and I’ve been living in a little studio apartment by myself ever since.
I established my new life in that place. Apt. B Photography came into existence in that place. I spent many nights alone there, dreaming about what my life would look like and how I could form it into what I wanted it to be. I spent most of my time in that apartment as single girl, navigating the unpleasant online dating waters and flip flopping between feeling incredibly lonely and incredibly empowered. There have been more tears and laughter in that place than I thought possible.
I grew up in Apt. B, and now I have to leave it behind. That season of establishing my independenceis coming to a close, and I’m entering a season of partnership.
And I’m grieving the ending of the “super independent single girl living in a studio apartment” season. I’ll miss it, because it was a beautiful, life-changing season that made me who I am today.
But please don’t get me wrong–grieving the end of that season in no way reduces my excitement for this new season with Phillip. I think as humans we have the capacity to feel a whole myriad of conflicting emotions at once, and it doesn’t mean any of them aren’t valid. I will grieve the old season while simultaneously welcoming the new season with open arms and the biggest smile on my face. I will grieve the old season for closure, so that I can move whole-heartedly into this new season with Phillip, ready and willing for anything this new adventure brings our way. ❤️
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